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A Texas HillBilly found out that his parents have just voted Trump for President. He said he's going to stop visiting their graves.

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion. The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin Olive oil. Then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last...

Thanks to the new Labour government, I've been able to drastically reduce my energy bills by emptying my freezer, and keeping the contents in my dear old mum's living room.

The Labour party is starting to feel the heat. Unlike pensioners this winter.

Dr Harold Shipman's grand-daughter -- "My grandad killed 284 Pensioners" Starmer and Rayner chime in together -- "Amateur!"

July 31st, I planted some seed potatoes for Christmas harvest -- 2 per 30 litre Plastic pot. The mail order S/Ps looked manky so I didn't expect much. Surprise surprise !! they are coming on very well. Variety not recorded Sad Face.

My stall at the Notting Hill carnival made a mint this year. Selling stab vests is my best idea yet !

The transcript of the recent Cobra meeting, following the Rotherham and other riots, has been released. 1st Cobra (Keir Cobra) Hiss ,hiss, hiss, hiiiisss. 2nd Cobra (Angela Cobra) Hiss, hiss, hiss, hissy fit. 3rd Cobra (PC ”Two Tier” Cobra) Hiss-off, Ange. 4th Cobra (Notverywhitty Cobra)...

Keir Starmer is out jogging and accidently falls into a river. Three young lads saw the accident and without a second thought jump in and drag out the scared and soaking Starmer. "Lads, you've saved my life and you all deserve a reward. You name it and I'll give it to you", said Starmer. First...

My small electric car broke down the other day. I had to call the AAA

I sat near some Chavs on the bus home today. For the whole journey it was just 'F this' and 'F that'. Guess they had to discuss their exam results sometime.

I called the doctors and said I've had the sh*ts for six weeks. She said not to worry they go back to school next week.

A secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you." "Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once!" "Alright, here's some good news." said the secretary. "You're not sterile..."

Starmer "I demand a re-count" Sunack "You must be bleedin' joking"

Doctor; Due to new privacy regulations we are not allowed to use patients names in the waiting room. Will the lady with an itchy ****** please follow me.....

Welsh people are often referred to by their name and the thing that they do. Like Jones the Post. Or Davies the Coal. Or Edwards the Children.

Andrew Neill

Had a text off my boss. 'Send me one of your funny jokes' it said 'I can't, I'm working' I said He replied 'That was fantastic, send me another'

Lets see if Roger Hallum (JUST STOP OIL PROTESTER) Recently sentenced to 5 years Still objects to PETROLEUM JELLY after a week in Prison.

I remember my Mum always used to say "take everything with a pinch of salt" lovely lady, terrible at making a cup of tea. My dear old dad used to say, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach".....lovely man terrible cardiac surgeon.