# Misheard lyrics



## Tris (6 Jan 2022)

Peter Kay did a brilliant sketch on these and it reminded me of a mate who used to belt out 'it's alright, babies come in bags' to the Eurythmics. 
Just wondering what other gems are out there?


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## JimB (6 Jan 2022)

There was an advert across here which started something like, 'my names something, I'm a providore' except the way it came out sounded like 'I'm a profit wh**e'!


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## Sporky McGuffin (6 Jan 2022)

Rage Against The Machine's "Killing in the name of" - 'four cucumbers, two watching telly'.


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## Phil Pascoe (6 Jan 2022)

I always liked the Memorex tape ad - Me ears're alight.

I don't like music by Mary J Bilge, though.

Madonna's some dago and eyes like potatoes


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## DrPhill (6 Jan 2022)

'Scuse me while I kiss this guy.
They are called 'mondegreens': Mondegreen - Wikipedia


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## Tris (6 Jan 2022)

Bonus point for spelling there, Phil


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## Farm Labourer (6 Jan 2022)

I lost my heart to a draught excluder!

Nine-stone Cowboy.

Tonight, I sellotape my glove to you.


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## artie (6 Jan 2022)

I see the bad moon a-rising
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightnin'
I see bad times today
Don't go around tonight
Well it's bound to take your life
There's a bathroom on the right.


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## Linus (6 Jan 2022)

Not to mention the one ton of melons song or Bicycle hut!


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## Fitzroy (6 Jan 2022)

Saw this at Christmas, perhaps now a few weeks late, or just 11 3/4 months early.


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## GLS (6 Jan 2022)

Paper bag rider - Beatles
Highland Industry - Dolly Parton.


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## Sachakins (6 Jan 2022)

Spent years singing
"Climb Every Woman"
For Chaka Khan "I'm every woman"

Also
"It's a Fine Time to Leave Me Loose Heel"


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## Linus (6 Jan 2022)

Judy Garland and the weigh a pie song


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## Phil Pascoe (6 Jan 2022)

Linus said:


> Judy Garland and the weigh a pie song


I remember members of the local AmDram society singing that accompanied by the actions about 45 years ago.


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## J-G (7 Jan 2022)

Who remembers "The Laughing Policeman" ?

Charles Penrose -- for many years I couldn't fathom what 'a Red Saman' was, as in 'Once he did a Red Saman and laughed until he cried'.

I would have been in my 30's or later when I found out it was 'Once he did Arrest a Man ....' - - -


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## Keith 66 (7 Jan 2022)

Iron maiden "Can i play with madness" became "Can i play with magnets".
As for the Police how can you not sing along to this with "Massage in a brothel"!


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## stuart little (7 Jan 2022)

"Last night when I called you from Tesco" -------- Abba


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## sploo (7 Jan 2022)

Pearl Jam - Glorified G: "_Glorified version of a pelican_"


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## moosepig (8 Jan 2022)

Kate Bush's Army Dreamer... didn't have the money for a pizza


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## JimB (8 Jan 2022)

J-G said:


> Who remembers "The Laughing Policeman" ?
> Charles Penrose -- for many years I couldn't fathom what 'a Red Saman' was, as in 'Once he did a Red Saman and laughed until he cried'.
> I would have been in my 30's or later when I found out it was 'Once he did Arrest a Man ....' - - -



Remember the slot machine arcades after the war in the UK. A favourite was a laughing policeman dummy always surrounded by a crowd of near hysterical people.


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## Ozi (8 Jan 2022)

Dire Straights - Keep your sofa away from me

Nick Kershaw - Where a gnome in a barrel goes around and around


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## Phil Pascoe (8 Jan 2022)

Yours sincerely, elk horn (L. Cohen) Leonard Cohen.


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## baldkev (8 Jan 2022)

Motorheads ace of spades:
And dont forget to choke yeah!
In reality it was
And dont forgot the joker!


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## GuitardoctorW7 (8 Jan 2022)

Whitney Houston.... "shaving off my muff for you"


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## Turnr77 (8 Jan 2022)

The Squeeze song "Labelled with love"

It has the line "So the past has been bottled and labelled with love"

When I first heard it on the radio, and for quite a few plays afterwards, I was amazed that they were playing a very sick song about an abortion because I heard
"the bar stewards been bottled and labelled with love"


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## Vann (8 Jan 2022)

Shocking Blue "...Well, I'm your *Venus*, I'm your fire, at your desire..."

I thought, that can't be right. It took me many listenings to catch that it was "Venus".


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## guineafowl21 (8 Jan 2022)

That Coors song about the bakery thief:

Go on, go on, come on, leave me bread-less.


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## gcusick (8 Jan 2022)

Bohemian Rhapsody:
Beelzebub has a devil for a sideboard 
and Michael Jackson
Keep on to the Post Office


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## gcusick (8 Jan 2022)

gcusick said:


> Bohemian Rhapsody:
> Beelzebub has a devil for a sideboard
> and Michael Jackson
> Keep on to the Post Office


And another Bohemian Rhapsody line
Spare him his life for his pork sausages


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## ecokestove (9 Jan 2022)

Eddie Cochran's 'Drive in Show': I bet my pe*is to a candy bar. It's peanuts of course.

Showing my age with this one. Eddie Cochran was just great.


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## Gavlar (13 Jan 2022)

Knights in White Satin, classic Moody Blues but useless in battle.


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## Phil Pascoe (13 Jan 2022)

I wondered right up until last year why knights would be in white satin. 
Once you get tunnel vision it's difficult to see outside the tunnel.


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## Cabinetman (13 Jan 2022)

Now you’ve said that Phil, I shall have to listen again to the lyrics, I can’t believe I’ve listened to that all these years and never made the connection Doh!
Bit like the "lesser spotted throat warbler" or whatever it’s called, it doesn’t mean it has less spots it means it’s not spotted as often, took me a long time to realise that!


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## John Brown (13 Jan 2022)

Cabinetman said:


> Now you’ve said that Phil, I shall have to listen again to the lyrics, I can’t believe I’ve listened to that all these years and never made the connection Doh!
> Bit like the "lesser spotted throat warbler" or whatever it’s called, it doesn’t mean it has less spots it means it’s not spotted as often, took me a long time to realise that!


I don't think so. There is a lesser spotted woodpecker, and a great spotted woodpecker. Maybe some others in between. I don't believe it is a reference to the frequency of observation.


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## Vann (14 Jan 2022)

Phil Pascoe said:


> I wondered right up until last year why knights would be in white satin.


Could it be "Nights in white satin" describing a night of sensual pleasure (or a night of slipping and sliding in the bedsheets)?

Cheers, Vann


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## Ozi (14 Jan 2022)

Vann said:


> Could it be "Nights in white satin" describing a night of sensual pleasure (or a night of slipping and sliding in the bedsheets)?
> 
> Cheers, Vann


Always thought the white satin was the paper the letters were written on, either I have just stated the very obvious and everyone here knew that or I really missed the point - I'm not going to win this one


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## Cabinetman (14 Jan 2022)

John Brown said:


> I don't think so. There is a lesser spotted woodpecker, and a great spotted woodpecker. Maybe some others in between. I don't believe it is a reference to the frequency of observation.


Well I don’t really know much about birds at all, but this is what it says on a conservation site, Ian
Ps I think it means we could both be right lol.


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## Auldfart2010 (14 Jan 2022)

Keith 66 said:


> Iron maiden "Can i play with madness" became "Can i play with magnets".
> As for the Police how can you not sing along to this with "Massage in a brothel"!


"Can I play with matches" was my interpretation for decades.


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## Auldfart2010 (14 Jan 2022)

Gavlar said:


> Knights in White Satin, classic Moody Blues but useless in battle.


OMG how could I have misheard nights for knights all this time.


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## John Brown (14 Jan 2022)

Auldfart2010 said:


> OMG how could I have misheard nights for knights all this time.


Possibly because they're homophones?
Stop that sniggering in the back row!


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## Junah (14 Jan 2022)

From the song Midnight in Cats, one of the lines goes
"If you touch me, you'll understand what a penis is"


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## Tris (14 Jan 2022)

Was it Barbra Streisand who sang about 'misty water coloured mammaries'??


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## John Brown (14 Jan 2022)

Loving would be easy if you caremelised my greens.


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## stuart little (14 Jan 2022)

Bonnie Tyler:- "It's a hard egg".


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## stuart little (14 Jan 2022)

Shocking Blue :- "Venus" lyrics - "I'm your penis".


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## recipio (14 Jan 2022)

For years I swore that Mick Jagger sang 'Well if you ever plan to mow the grass ' - then I heard Chuck Berry sing ' plan to motor west ' ( Route 66 )


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## Keith 66 (14 Jan 2022)

I remember at discos back in the 80's when Wham's song Get down on it came on, quite a few lads would sing along with "Get down on it, Suck my helmet" there were other verses too.


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## paulrbarnard (14 Jan 2022)

Phil Pascoe said:


> I wondered right up until last year why knights would be in white satin.
> Once you get tunnel vision it's difficult to see outside the tunnel.


Oh good grief. I’ve only just got this now. Nights as in after dark….


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## paulrbarnard (14 Jan 2022)

Auldfart2010 said:


> OMG how could I have misheard nights for knights all this time.


I’m glad I’m not the only one…


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## Adam W. (14 Jan 2022)

Well, I'm not going to embarrass myself by admitting to such a faux pas........


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## Linus (14 Jan 2022)

I wasn't a Stones fan, so it's not surprising that I spent 40 years wondering why he was a little red rooster who laid the golden egg!


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## Peri (15 Jan 2022)

Thought of these straight away


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## Phil Pascoe (15 Jan 2022)

Thanks for that - I remembered it as an ad for Memorex.


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## John Brown (15 Jan 2022)

Peri said:


> Thought of these straight away



The first one was a classic. I don't see any adverts on TV these days, what with Netflix et al, but there have been one or two very clever ones.


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## stuart little (15 Jan 2022)

'One line in 'The Israelites', sounds like; "Baked beans for breakfast', well, that's what I sang to it!


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## IZZY (15 Jan 2022)

I could never work out how hands could be judicious . Anyone spot the tune?


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## stuart little (15 Jan 2022)

IZZY said:


> I could never work out how hands could be judicious . Anyone spot the tune?


"Hands that do dishes"?


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## Tris (15 Jan 2022)

With mild green hairy lipped squid


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## Krome10 (16 Jan 2022)

The Nights / Knights in White Satin is hilarious. Never occurred to me either that it could possibly be "Nights" and yet now it seems so obvious. Even so, I still do - and forever more will - picture satin robe clad knights eerily and slowly moving on horseback through some misty enchanted wood. It fits the song so well.

(In the same way, and on the same theme of luxurious night wear and bedding, I can't hear Black Velvet without imagining an 80's vixen type smooching around on the sheets. Apparently it's about Elvis though! Sorry, I digress from misheard lyrics though).

When my daughter was young I persuaded her that Madonna's La Isla Bonita was a song about food, and that: 

"young girl with eyes like the desert" was
"young girl with eyes like potatoes"

while

"tropical the island breeze" was
"chocolate oozing over me"

OK, so not really a misheard lyric. At least not for me - my daughter believed it though! 


This last one was something that I do have to embarrassingly hold my hands up to. I thought it was simply:

"Doo Doo Doo, come on let's do the conga
Doo Doo Doo, straight across the floor". 

I was in my 40s when I found out it's "choo choo choo" and a "train across the floor". The dance move should have tipped me off, but somehow I missed the true essence of the lyrics.


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## JimB (16 Jan 2022)

Going back a long time, how about the lines,
Does eat oats etc (I think). which always seemed to be 'dozy dotes'


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## Tim Nott (16 Jan 2022)

Nice women, by REM


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## Tris (16 Jan 2022)

Also REM- calling Cheryl Baker


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