# wood related jokes please



## sue denim (6 Oct 2011)

To start off

The Swedish have developed a new eco engine make completely from timber.........trouble was it wooden start !!






NEXT !!


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## Jonzjob (6 Oct 2011)

Non from me mate! It goes against the grain :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: 

So I will keep my trunk out and you will have to branch out of leaf it alone if you twig? :roll: :roll:


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## porker (6 Oct 2011)

My 5 year old daughters favourite.....

What's brown and sticky?









A stick!


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## Jonzjob (6 Oct 2011)

But not always according to what's her face, er Alice in the Dicker of Vibly? It can also be green :roll:

Edit : - Thinking about it, it could also be something that I stood in earlier on today? That was definately brown and sticky! #-o #-o


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## adidat (6 Oct 2011)

Q: What do you call a man with a wooden head?

A: Edward 


Q: What do you call a man with 3 wooden heads?

A: Edward Woodward


Q: What do you call a man with 4 wooden heads?

A: I dunno, but Edward Woodward would.


Q: What do you call a man with 5 wooden heads and an artificial joint?

A: I dunno, but Edward Woodward would, wouldn' he?


adidat


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## bosshogg (6 Oct 2011)

Two Irishmen got of the boat at Liverpool, walking past the job centre one says to the other, t'would you look at tat 'TREE FELLER'S WANTED' tis a pity tears only the two of us eh!
Cheers...bosshogg :lol:


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## Jonzjob (6 Oct 2011)

Oh gawd Sue! What have you started :shock: 

As a matter of interst also? Wot bit of SW France are you in? PM if you don't want to broadcast it to these knutters, at least I'm sane?????


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## studders (6 Oct 2011)

Jonzjob":2tnuf5z3 said:


> PM if you don't want to broadcast it to these knutters, at least I'm sane?????


He is you know, he bought a Certificate off the net wot says he is.


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## Jonzjob (7 Oct 2011)

In actual fact that ain't too far from the truth..

I used to get migrain headaches, nowt to do with beer either!, and as I was in the R.A.F. at the time I had an ECG (I think that's what it's called?) where they check yer brian waves and mine came out quite normal and I was told that it would certify my sanitry, ermmmm or should that be sanity? I'm always getting my arrrrs mixed up :mrgreen:


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## sue denim (7 Oct 2011)

for those interested 

J'habite prés-que Bellac Limousin.

Probably more central than S/W

http://www.tourisme-haut-limousin.com/


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## barkwindjammer (7 Oct 2011)

Billy was born with one of his eyes missing, so the doctor replaced it with a wooden eye. All of his friends teased him and gave him hell growing up. He was always afraid of girls because they also made fun of him. One night, Billy was at a bar, when a woman with straight up and down lips approched him. They talked for a while and had a few drinks, when Billy decided that this girl may have a vertical mouth, but she's cool and doesn't seem to mind his wooden eye. So he says to her, "Would you like to go out with me some time?"

she excitedly replies,"Would I??"

Billy gets angry and replies,"Who you callin' wood eye, pussy cat Face!!" :evil:


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## sue denim (9 Oct 2011)

I was walking in the woods with a friend discussing trees when i came across a tree I couldn't identify. My friend identified it straight away as being a dogwood.....apparently it is identified by it's bark.


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## Russ (9 Oct 2011)

I used to post loads of jokes about wood.....

But I'm starting to run out of material.


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