# Flooding in Cornwall



## Midnight (17 Aug 2004)

Alf

you're not cought in that mess I hope....??


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## Alf (17 Aug 2004)

Hiya Mike,

Thanks for the concern, but no, my feet are dry. Pretty scary pics from Boscastle though. :shock: 

Cheers, Alf


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## Midnight (17 Aug 2004)

> Pretty scary pics from Boscastle though.



aren't they just.......

glad to hear you're fine...


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## Newbie_Neil (17 Aug 2004)

Hi Alf

Glad to hear that you're ok.

Cheers
Neil


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## Alf (18 Aug 2004)

Yeah, well... Thought I'd spoken too soon last night and early this morning to be honest.  Some flooding a lot closer to home, and an almighty thunderstorm over our heads this a.m. followed by rain that made you wonder if him-upstairs had let the bath overflow. :shock: Unlike Boscastle and co it didn't sit over the top of us though; just slightly worrying for a bit. Tsk. If only I'd _known_ I could have had the custom ark-building business already to go by now... :wink:

Cheers, Alf


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## Chris Knight (18 Aug 2004)

Alf,

Just scale this up http://www.furnitureplans.com/pi_products/5110


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## Alf (18 Aug 2004)

Right, all I need now is my cubit rod and about 1000 cubic feet of gopher wood and I'm all set...

<cut to "Ark-u-like", Fore Street, somewhere in Cornwall. A camper van floats past with 6 ducklings following behind, mistaking it for their mother. (The local duck optician having already been swept away)>

Customer: 'Scuse me? Miss?
Ark builder to the stars: Who you calling miss? That's *Ms* to you, chum. 
<ABTTS tucks pencil behind ear> 
ABTTS What can I do you for, squire? I should tell you now, we're right out of gopher wood. I sent the lad to gopher some and 'e ain't come back yet. I could do you a lovely bee-jou 4 berth for the family; ensuite, stalls for pets, elderly relatives, and two of each animal that walketh upon the earth. Pigeons is very popular for olive branch recovery these days. Can't get doves for love or money. It's a sham' Ham couldn't be here to show you the dee-lux model, but we're washed off our feet at the moment...

<camera pans away from "Ark-u-like" to reveal scripwriter furiously tapping away at a keyboard with her nose - due to the canvas jacket restricting arm movement. Walls are, naturally, padded...>

Cheers, Alf
Right out of dried frog - couldn't you guess? :roll:


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## Chris Knight (18 Aug 2004)

ROFLMAO :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## andrewm (18 Aug 2004)

Alf":32n87wl7 said:


> Pretty scary pics from Boscastle though. :shock:
> 
> Cheers, Alf



... and for anyone still wondering where Boscastle is this map from the BBC shows that it is in Cornwall and that the Independent State of Cornwall is somewhere west of England. Passports please.

Of course, I'm sure that Alf knows that already.


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## Alf (18 Aug 2004)

andrewm":13xhrvly said:


> the Independent State of Cornwall is somewhere west of England. Passports please.


 :lol: Excellent! At last the BBC gets it right :lol:


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## Midnight (18 Aug 2004)

> Walls are, naturally, padded



good grief... who's been sniffing the shellack again....??


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## Anonymous (19 Aug 2004)

Midnight i think alf must get it on prescription by now :lol:


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## Alf (19 Aug 2004)

<Once again we find ourselves in the waterproofed premises of "Ark-u-like". A newly painted sign proudly proclaims "By Appointment to HRH The Prince of Whales". The owner is arguing at length over the 'phone>

ABTTS: I don't care how many wild haggis you need to accomodate, I can't get it to you any sooner, Jock. Yeah, well, same to you with kilts on.

<The ABTTS hangs up, disgruntled, and turns to the gopher>

ABTTS: Well lad, that went well. Pass me the shellac will you? It's early yet, so just a finger for now...

<Panning away we see the scripwriter living life through her characters, and carefully deciding between a garnet-shellac-on-the-rocks or sparkling French polish before taking a spare five minutes to pass a couple of A-levels...>

*KIDS!* Drinking shellac is *not allowed*. Only very silly dried frog addicts and Ark builders can take the side effects <pause while eyeball wildly revolves>. 

Cheers, Alf  

Who'll try to remember to take the medication today...


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## Taffy Turner (19 Aug 2004)

Building an ark is all very well, but what finish would you use? It would have to waterproof and long lasting......


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## Alf (19 Aug 2004)

Taffy Turner":1b8yuud9 said:


> It would have to waterproof and long lasting......


Oh I dunno. Forty days and forty nights? Not _that_ long lasting (and if it fails, well your money back, squire. If you claim in person of course.) Probably more important for it to be quick drying... :? 

Cheers, Alf


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## Midnight (19 Aug 2004)

> Who'll try to remember to take the medication today...



HM Government Health Warning...

Over-exposure to nickel plated ferrous oxide can have seriously detrimental effects on your marbles..


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## Anonymous (19 Aug 2004)

GOOD NEWS!

England have won a gold medal in the white water rafting.

Two blokes from Cornwall won it in a white Transit van


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## Adam (21 Aug 2004)

Midnight":2ijqnxb3 said:


> Alf
> 
> you're not cought in that mess I hope....??



Did a U-turn on the way down to the village. Postie coming the other way said "'Tis a bit flooded, you won't get through, best turn back now. (as though going back was any better than going on :roll: ). Anyway, we returned to Tintagel (where we were staying) and watched through the binoculars and listened on the radio. Then moved to the other side of Cornwall, and got caught in a flood in Portlaven. The car only just made it through that one coughing and spluttering, only to find the road was shut, but only from the other end :x .

Adam


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## Anonymous (21 Aug 2004)

Adam

Sounds grim mate. Glad to have you back in one piece!

I take it the white water rafting skills are now honed to perfection but the suntan lacks somewhat :lol: 

BTW The surface plate is seeing loads of use at the mo :wink:


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## Alf (22 Aug 2004)

Adam,

Urgh. I did think of you and wonder if you'd picked exactly the wrong place to go or not (I scanned the footage for ginger-headed tourists trying to keep planes out of the water and everything :wink: ). Sounds like you were lucky - just. Apparently the Boscastle postie saw the river rising and thought "Hmm, better get all the post out of the post boxes in case they get damp". Got a little closer and decided "To hell with that, I'm getting out of here!" which was just as well for you! :shock: Anyway, "Portlaven"? I admit I get all the Port-thises and thats mixed up, but I don't know that one. Not Porthleven? 'Cos if so you must have virtually driven past Chez Alf on your way.  

Cheers, Alf

Listening to the rain coming down _again_. :roll:


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## Chris Knight (22 Aug 2004)

Adam,
Glad you made it back out of there - Cornwall really is the twilight zone! (Sorry Alf but facts are facts) :lol:


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## Alf (22 Aug 2004)

waterhead37":3mgphml9 said:


> Cornwall really is the twilight zone! (Sorry Alf but facts are facts) :lol:


Who are you telling? :roll:


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## Anonymous (22 Aug 2004)

waterhead37 said:


> Glad you made it back out of there - Cornwall really is the twilight zone!


more like twilight zone on acid and magic mushrooms :twisted:


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## Alf (22 Aug 2004)

anobium punctatum":2jtl7kr5 said:


> waterhead37 said:
> 
> 
> > Glad you made it back out of there - Cornwall really is the twilight zone!
> ...


Ah, here we go... I dunno, these Devonians eh? Just can't they can't make a pasty to save their lives and feel the need to hide their inferior clotted cream _under_ the jam instead of on top as the gods intended... :roll: :wink: :lol: 

Okay there's the requisite counter-attack against a Devonian to prevent them cancelling my visa. Safely stuck in Cornwall for another year now. :wink: 

Cheers, Alf


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## Adam (23 Aug 2004)

Alf":2521zx2n said:


> Not Porthleven? 'Cos if so you must have virtually driven past Chez Alf on your way.
> Cheers, Alf



Thas the one, had a superb meal at "the smoke house". Really superb restuarent. We were staying in the town nearby but can't remeber it's name.

Adam


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## Alf (23 Aug 2004)

D'oh! Helston?

Cheers, Alf


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## Adam (23 Aug 2004)

Alf":g3x3hu3n said:


> D'oh! Helston?
> 
> Cheers, Alf



Yep, we were going to stay in Treverva, but it was raining too hard when we got there, so did decided to go to Helston via Culdrose (so I could see the helicopters - as I worked on the radar systems under the sea kings - so it's interesting to see them).

Adam


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## Alf (23 Aug 2004)

Okay, so the theory that my accumulation of rust upsets the magnetic field round here is once and for all *disproved*. Adam drove _right past the door_ and never noticed a thing!  :lol: 

Cheers, Alf


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## Adam (23 Aug 2004)

Alf":3kqzhjbr said:


> and never noticed a thing!



Could'nt see a thing either, despite having the wipers on double speed.

Adam


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## Anonymous (24 Aug 2004)

*Alf wrote:*


> Ah, here we go... I dunno, these Devonians eh? Just can't they can't make a pasty to save their lives and feel the need to hide their inferior clotted cream under the jam instead of on top as the gods intended


 blimey the other way round ain't right , its like buying a tool and letting it rust or is it buying rust and trying to figure out what tool it is :wink: :lol: :lol: (hammer) duh those cornish put a bit o meat n spud in pastry and they think they can go it alone :lol:


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## Alf (24 Aug 2004)

anobium punctatum":nrm35cka said:


> its like buying a tool and letting it rust or is it buying rust and trying to figure out what tool it is :wink: :lol: :lol: (hammer)


ROFL! :lol: :lol: :lol:


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