# Humerous posts



## doctor Bob (10 Jan 2021)

Are these allowed anymore?


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## Doug71 (10 Jan 2021)

How many seconds until this one goes


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## AJB Temple (10 Jan 2021)

You must be joking.


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## doctor Bob (10 Jan 2021)

All I said was I stir my tea anticlockwise and how long before someone calls me a N***.


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## Ttrees (10 Jan 2021)

I was just about to post a lengthy argument on tea and the Coriolis effect.
Suppose all you will have to have mediocre tea for the rest of your lives!


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## Ttrees (10 Jan 2021)

And I was just about to post a lengthy argument on tea and the Coriolis effect.
Suppose all you will have to have mediocre tea for the rest of your lives!


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## doctor Bob (10 Jan 2021)

Ttrees said:


> ................... Coriolis effect.



Don't try that smart buttocks stuff with me, you know 99% go anticlockwise.


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## Ttrees (10 Jan 2021)

Ever try sipping tea on the line of the hemispheres?
(must be plunged with a fork on top of a machine running at 55hz for best results)


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

I’ve been going through my lexicon of naughty words and I can’t think what n... Is in that context, are we really being controlled like that? Ian


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## nickds1 (10 Jan 2021)

Maintaining the beverage theme,

Why do anarchists drink herbal tea?


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## Rorschach (10 Jan 2021)

Was it my scone comment that did it?


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

nickds1 said:


> Maintaining the beverage theme,
> 
> Why do anarchists drink herbal tea?


 I don’t know, why do anarchists drink herbal tea,?
reminds me of the one about my dogs got no nose


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## Phil Pascoe (10 Jan 2021)

Cabinetman said:


> I’ve been going through my lexicon of naughty words and I can’t think what n... Is in that context, are we really being controlled like that? Ian


A pre WW2 German "socialist".


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

I could never work out why everybody said they were right wing.
Thanks Phil I was trying to think naughty not just descriptive or is that naughty now?


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## Cordy (10 Jan 2021)

Because all proper *tea* is theft


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## nickds1 (10 Jan 2021)

Cabinetman said:


> I don’t know, why do anarchists drink herbal tea,?



... because proper tea is theft!!!!

(with apologies to Pierre-Joseph Proudhon)


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## Droogs (10 Jan 2021)

i have had to go and make a cup of tea to figure out if I'm a n... or not. Apparently I am


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## billw (10 Jan 2021)

Tea is dreadful stuff. Can't stand it. I stir my coffee anti-clockwise though, but I thought that was because I'm left-handed and it's more natural to do it that way. I also do ticks "backwards".


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## doctor Bob (10 Jan 2021)

This could be like mornington cresent with the winner calling someone the N-z- word, remember you saw it here first if Radio 4 pick it up.


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## Farm Labourer (10 Jan 2021)

And I was expecting a story about upper arms.


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## doctor Bob (10 Jan 2021)

billw said:


> ............. I thought that was because I'm left-handed and it's more natural to do it that way. I also do ticks "backwards".



Bill, sorry this is a thread for standard people, we don't want your weird types here................


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## samhay (10 Jan 2021)

Does drinking backwards involve vomiting?

Edit. Nevermind, I should have read your post properly.


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## novocaine (10 Jan 2021)

Carefuk Bob or us lefties will storm the capitol.

As soon as we can find the left handed scissors to cut the red tape with.


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## Phil Pascoe (10 Jan 2021)

billw said:


> Tea is dreadful stuff. Can't stand it. I stir my coffee anti-clockwise though, but I thought that was because I'm left-handed and it's more natural to do it that way. I also do ticks "backwards".


Sinister, that.


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

Shall I try a rude word and see what happens? It starts with a C


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

And it’s got 12 letters.


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## doctor Bob (10 Jan 2021)

Cabinetman said:


> Shall I try a rude word and see what happens? It starts with a C


sort of like hangman, I'll go along with it, hmmmm ok I'll try a "T"

PS missed your second post, that's stumped me, dont know 12 letter words,


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

Well if we couldn’t say N-z-. I’m not sure what will happen with Conservative.


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## billw (10 Jan 2021)

Cabinetman said:


> Well if we couldn’t say N-z-. I’m not sure what will happen with Conservative.


What’s the difference?


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## novocaine (10 Jan 2021)

A glass structure attach to a building. Often considered as completely useless as its to cold for qonter use and to hot for summer use?


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## doctor Bob (10 Jan 2021)

novocaine said:


> A glass structure attach to a building. Often considered as completely useless as its to cold for qonter use and to hot for summer use?



Orangery, these days, keep up at the back...........


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

A la Basil, "I mentioned the war once but I think I got away with it "


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## Cabinetman (10 Jan 2021)

Testing


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## billw (10 Jan 2021)

doctor Bob said:


> Orangery, these days, keep up at the back...........



doesn’t an orangery require an orange tree? Otherwise it’s a conservatory.


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## artie (10 Jan 2021)

Must say this thread make a lot more sense than some recent ones.
But I don't agree, you're all wrong.


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## manglitter (11 Jan 2021)

Rorschach said:


> Was it my scone comment that did it?



Was that scone or scone?
Because one way you are saying it completely wrong...

(It's definitely scone)

Also I always stir my coffee clockwise - is this why I can't cut neat dovetails?


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## Doug B (11 Jan 2021)

Do people still stir hot beverages


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

manglitter said:


> Was that scone or scone?
> Because one way you are saying it completely wrong...
> 
> (It's definitely scone)
> ...



I pronounce it scone, I'm not an silly person!


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## Doug B (11 Jan 2021)

Rorschach said:


> I pronounce it scone, I'm not an silly person!


Steady @Rorschach folks have left in a huff who’ve insisted it’s pronounced scone


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

Doug B said:


> Steady @Rorschach folks have left in a huff who’ve insisted it’s pronounced scone



Good riddance, they probably put the jam on first too! Heathens!


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## Blackswanwood (11 Jan 2021)

Doug B said:


> Steady @Rorschach folks have left in a huff who’ve insisted it’s pronounced scone


I think we are in dangerous territory here - the Devon and Cornwall crowd will be weighing in with contentious views on jam or cream first if we're not careful 

Edit - and as I typed it happened!


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## Nelsun (11 Jan 2021)

You don't stir tea. It goes straight down the plughole - where it belongs.


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## Jonzjob (11 Jan 2021)

Anyone who don't like tea probably spell radar backwards too.

Or, they may be French and spell NATO OTAN


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## Phil Pascoe (11 Jan 2021)

Nelsun said:


> You don't stir tea. It goes straight down the plughole - where it belongs.


The plug hole's already full of coffee.


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## Daniel2 (11 Jan 2021)

I don''t like cream


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## loftyhermes (11 Jan 2021)




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## sammy.se (11 Jan 2021)

I mix my tea with an electric paddle mixer. If the power tool exists, why not use it? 
Just another 'hand mixing vs power tool mixing' debate again. Sheesh.


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

Lets get down to the nitty gritty here, how do you sharpen your teaspoons?


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## Droogs (11 Jan 2021)

With a wet scone


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

Droogs said:


> With a wet scone



Boom Boom!


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## billw (11 Jan 2021)

Rorschach said:


> Good riddance, they probably put the jam on first too! Heathens!



It's the cream first people who are heathens!


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## Bm101 (11 Jan 2021)

Droogs said:


> With a wet scone


I did _Not See _that one coming. I should give you appease of my mind for that pun Droogs.


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

billw said:


> It's the cream first people who are heathens!



The sensible solution is cream first, it makes sense from an engineering point of view. Jam on first, the cream slides off when you bite into it, very poor engineering.


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## billw (11 Jan 2021)

Rorschach said:


> The sensible solution is cream first, it makes sense from an engineering point of view. Jam on first, the cream slides off when you bite into it, very poor engineering.



Just after I posted that I thought about it and realised I put the cream on first


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## MikeK (11 Jan 2021)

I'm a coffee drinker, but do enjoy a cup of strong tea from time to time. However, I drink my coffee and tea black, no sugar. When we were on holiday a last year in Cornwall, we stopped at a tea shop for cream tea. I don't use jam or cream on my scones, just as I don't use ketchup on my chips. The young lady serving us insisted we eat our scones with jam and cream. To humor her, I scooped up a large spoonful of strawberry jam and mixed it with the cream before spreading the mixture on half of my scone. She told us later she wanted to see if tourists were cream first, or jam first. I think I am now on the No Cream Tea list in the UK.


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## artie (11 Jan 2021)

At a neighbours house one evening he offered coffee, which I accepted.
"Milk?" say he
"No" says I
"Sugar"? says he
"no" says I
Long silence

"Do you want water in it" says he.


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## gregmcateer (11 Jan 2021)

Me to, Farm Labourer - I was going to ask if he meant 'humorous' or 'humerus', but thought I'd sound condescending.


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## Cabinetman (11 Jan 2021)

MikeK said:


> I'm a coffee drinker, but do enjoy a cup of strong tea from time to time. However, I drink my coffee and tea black, no sugar. When we were on holiday a last year in Cornwall, we stopped at a tea shop for cream tea. I don't use jam or cream on my scones, just as I don't use ketchup on my chips. The young lady serving us insisted we eat our scones with jam and cream. To humor her, I scooped up a large spoonful of strawberry jam and mixed it with the cream before spreading the mixture on half of my scone. She told us later she wanted to see if tourists were cream first, or jam first. I think I am now on the No Cream Tea list in the UK.


 Well that’s different, but you fall between two very opposing sides there and are probably going to be attacked by both, ha ha 
The cream slides off the jam argument is baloney of course and how could you reduce the cream to just a filling between jam and scones is a complete anathema to me, the consistency of jam compared to cream means that it has to go underneath, the cream would deform when you try and put jam on it, also the aesthetic‘s are are that the white should go on top of the red. Seems blindingly obvious to me, by the way I don’t stir my tea I whisk it, goes back to when I took sugar. Ian


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## Nelsun (11 Jan 2021)

MikeK said:


> I'm a coffee drinker, but do enjoy a cup of strong tea from time to time. However, I drink my coffee and tea black, no sugar. When we were on holiday a last year in Cornwall, we stopped at a tea shop for cream tea. I don't use jam or cream on my scones, just as I don't use ketchup on my chips. The young lady serving us insisted we eat our scones with jam and cream. To humor her, I scooped up a large spoonful of strawberry jam and mixed it with the cream before spreading the mixture on half of my scone. She told us later she wanted to see if tourists were cream first, or jam first. I think I am now on the No Cream Tea list in the UK.


I think you should just be grateful you're still alive after that massacre. They probably still recount the tale to this day... the horror!


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

Cabinetman said:


> Well that’s different, but you fall between two very opposing sides there and are probably going to be attacked by both, ha ha
> The cream slides off the jam argument is baloney of course and how could you reduce the cream to just a filling between jam and scones is a complete anathema to me, the consistency of jam compared to cream means that it has to go underneath, the cream would deform when you try and put jam on it, also the aesthetic‘s are are that the white should go on top of the red. Seems blindingly obvious to me, by the way I don’t stir my tea I whisk it, goes back to when I took sugar. Ian



Clearly an uneducated fellow who has never tried it the proper and sensible way.


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## Phil Pascoe (11 Jan 2021)

The reason for jam first is obvious - if the cream goes on first it melts.


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

Phil Pascoe said:


> The reason for jam first is obvious - if the cream goes on first it melts.



Only if you use inferior Cornish cream.


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## Cabinetman (11 Jan 2021)

And you obviously aren’t a devotee of scones still warm from the oven.


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

Cabinetman said:


> And you obviously aren’t a devotee of scones still warm from the oven.



I will eat them warm if supplied as such but personally prefer them at room temperature, they tend to be a bit "doughy" when warm and I don't care for that. Same with bread, not so fond of that warm either.


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## --Tom-- (11 Jan 2021)

Do you put your butter on after your jam when you make toast?

what’s wrong with a bit of cream melting into the scone, win win in my book


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## Droogs (11 Jan 2021)

You put butter on toast with Jam. Jinkies, are you a city trader or sumfin' by day? That is just pure decadence, who would've thought such a thing possible!


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## Phil Pascoe (11 Jan 2021)

Rorschach said:


> Only if you use inferior Cornish cream.


There's no such thing.. The inferior stuff is made elsewhere.


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## Rorschach (11 Jan 2021)

Phil Pascoe said:


> There's no such thing.. The inferior stuff is made elsewhere.



More Kernow propaganda.


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## doctor Bob (11 Jan 2021)

I have a favourite teaspoon, I am some what disturbed whilst it is the dishwasher, as it may not be, it could be missing or stolen, the relief when the door pops open and there all sparkly is "old brassy".


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## --Tom-- (11 Jan 2021)

Droogs said:


> You put butter on toast with Jam. Jinkies, are you a city trader or sumfin' by day? That is just pure decadence, who would've thought such a thing possible!


Scones and cream is just posh jam on toast

As a general preferrer of savoury than sweet, and being forced into a work baking thing I made green chilli cheese scones served with cream cheese and then red chilli sauce. That was pure decadence!


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## Nelsun (11 Jan 2021)

Out eldest used the same fork for... I really don't know how many years. When he moved out, the fork went with him and he's still using it to this day.

I don't know where he gets it from... but I have been using The Mug for 20 odd years now. It is my mug. There are others like it, but this mug is mine. It does not go to the shed!


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## Doug B (11 Jan 2021)

I’m reminded when Paddy goes to Murphy’s & on opening Murphy’s fridge Paddy asks why he has a clean empty milk bottle in the door rack?
”ahh to be sure” says Murphy “ it for when folks want black coffee”



I’ll get me coat


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## NickDReed (11 Jan 2021)

[


billw said:


> Tea is dreadful stuff. Can't stand it. I stir my coffee anti-clockwise though, but I thought that was because I'm left-handed and it's more natural to do it that way. I also do ticks "backwards".


A leftie?!?!? Good god.. Are you people allowed on the Internet??


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## Nigel Burden (11 Jan 2021)

NickDReed said:


> A leftie?!?!? Good god.. Are you people allowed on the Internet??



I'm right handed but stir my coffee anti-clockwise, and jam before cream on my scones please.

Nigel.


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## kwigly (11 Jan 2021)

If there was a rite to write left handed, and it was thought subversive and banned by the Progressives, and ceased to exist. They might think they had the write left rite left right where it belonged (but the write right rite could still be left)


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## manglitter (11 Jan 2021)

--Tom-- said:


> Scones and cream is just posh jam on toast
> 
> As a general preferrer of savoury than sweet, and being forced into a work baking thing I made green chilli cheese scones served with cream cheese and then red chilli sauce. That was pure decadence!


This sounds fantastic!
But is it ok to put the chilli sauce on before the cream cheese?

As for what I put on my toast - usually more toast. Can't afford too many luxuries, butter is for bank holiday weekends and jam is reserved for Christmas ...


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## Sachakins (12 Jan 2021)

OK then folks, what do you do with your crumpet.
Warning: Answers to this question could trigger a moderator meltdown.


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## Ttrees (12 Jan 2021)

Remark from the missus 
It's a scone when it's goin, and a scone when it's gone!


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## TRITON (12 Jan 2021)

doctor Bob said:


> I have a favourite teaspoon, I am some what disturbed whilst it is the dishwasher, as it may not be, it could be missing or stolen, the relief when the door pops open and there all sparkly is "old brassy".



Me too.

I was flying to London on BA, and the very nice and kind cabin staff upgraded me to business class, dear lord the luxury 
Great meal and metal cutlery too, as well as the super roomy seat.

So to thank them their kind gesture, I stole one of their teaspoons. Seemed the least I could do. 

It's a bit of a cross between a desert and a soup spoon. Says 'British Airways' on the back. It is my Go-To spoon.


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## Craywater (12 Jan 2021)

Doug B said:


> Do people still stir hot beverages



I don't stir, drink tea and coffee black, how does that categorise me?


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## Harken in Wood (12 Jan 2021)

Doug B said:


> Steady @Rorschach folks have left in a huff who’ve insisted it’s pronounced scone


Bet your a southerner!


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## BHwoodworking (12 Jan 2021)

cream first. then jam. looks better that way.


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## manglitter (12 Jan 2021)

Craywater said:


> I don't stir, drink tea and coffee black, how does that categorise me?


Either practical or lactose intolerant


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## Cabinetman (13 Jan 2021)

BHwoodworking said:


> cream first. then jam. looks better that way.


 I’m trying to think of an instance where white is underneath red or any other darker colour for that matter,. It screams out to me that it should be white on red, can’t explain it really I’m sorry. Ian


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## Doug B (13 Jan 2021)

Harken in Wood said:


> Bet your a southerner!


How very dare you sir 
I went as far south as Birmingham once but got a nose bleed so returned home


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## Doug B (13 Jan 2021)

Craywater said:


> I don't stir, drink tea and coffee black, how does that categorise me?


Well in my books that’s normal well the coffee part anyway.


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## Droogs (13 Jan 2021)

@Craywater Stalinist.


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## gregmcateer (13 Jan 2021)

Harken in Wood said:


> Bet your a southerner!



As a Southerner living in the Midlands, (and not giving a @@@@ where anyone is from anyway), I do feel it's my duty to correct your English - "your" should have been "you're".

Standards, man!


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## Harken in Wood (15 Jan 2021)

Doug B said:


> How very dare you sir
> I went as far south as Birmingham once but got a nose bleed so returned home


That’s not south! South begins below Leeds.


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## Phil Pascoe (15 Jan 2021)

South begins below Hayle.


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## Just4Fun (15 Jan 2021)

When I was on a tour of a distillery in the highlands somewhere another visitor commented that he had never heard of their particular whisky before. The guide replied: "You don't often see it down south. I look for it every time I go to Edinburgh."


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## Phil Pascoe (15 Jan 2021)

There was a letter in The Times some while ago from a chap who'd been to a wedding on Islay, and after a hard three days on the local whiskies celebrating woke up with a thick head. His host suggested he tried a Speyside ....... a nice little "breakfast whisky".


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## Trainee neophyte (15 Jan 2021)

All my neighbours like to bump - start the system with a little tsipouro of a winter morning. Being a soft northern European, I neither need nor can cope with brandy for breakfast, especially if it is home made.


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## billw (15 Jan 2021)

Cabinetman said:


> I’m trying to think of an instance where white is underneath red or any other darker colour for that matter,. It screams out to me that it should be white on red, can’t explain it really I’m sorry. Ian



Singapore’s flag.


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## Droogs (15 Jan 2021)

Just remember for some "South" starts at Wick


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## Robbo60 (16 Jan 2021)

in England South starts at the Tees


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## Phil Pascoe (16 Jan 2021)

Where I am it starts at about Helston.


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## Harken in Wood (16 Jan 2021)

Robbo60 said:


> in England South starts at the Tees


To be more precise, south of Middlesbrough


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## Robbo60 (17 Jan 2021)

Harken in Wood said:


> To be more precise, south of Middlesbrough


Agreed - I'm from Durham originally but lived down South for 30 years - East Midlands


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## Ozi (10 Feb 2021)

Rorschach said:


> Good riddance, they probably put the jam on first too! Heathens!


Am I still allowed to put jam on heathens?


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