# Free to a good home version 2



## devonwoody (5 Oct 2004)

One lady well used to housework ect. 48 years experience.
PM not needed.


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## Philly (5 Oct 2004)

JJ,
I have one spare as well, in case two people pm you at the same time! :lol: :lol: 
Philly


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## ike (5 Oct 2004)

My missuss-what a peach! She keeps bringing me cups of tea while I'm pla...working in the workshop, and then she keeps offering to sweep and hoover up. Even offers to sharpen my tool :shock: (good at keeping the knives sharp!) as she drapes her feline form alluringly across the bench  ......aaahhhhhh (slowly things come back into focus and he returns to reality) :?


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## Alf (5 Oct 2004)

Hmm, bad news, JJ. Having checked the times of posting it seems your missus put _you_ up as a freebie 47 years before you posted... Hmm, no takers yet either... :wink: 

Cheers, Alf


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## Anonymous (5 Oct 2004)

I believe in supporting the shareware concept. Is there a trial version? 

Andrew


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## Taffy Turner (5 Oct 2004)

ike":2si14c9o said:


> My missuss-what a peach! She keeps bringing me cups of tea while I'm pla...working in the workshop, and then she keeps offering to sweep and hoover up. Even offers to sharpen my tool :shock: (good at keeping the knives sharp!) as she drapes her feline form alluringly across the bench  ......aaahhhhhh (slowly things come back into focus and he returns to reality) :?



I think you need to put the lid back on the glue tin when you aren't using it - the fumes seem to be affecting you badly!!!! :roll:  :roll:  :roll: 

If my beloved draped her feline(?) form across my bench, my next project would be a new bench (mark 2 stregthened version)!!!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:


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## Anonymous (5 Oct 2004)

Taffy Turner":iw3icr9j said:


> If my beloved draped her feline(?) form across my bench, my next project would be a new bench (mark 2 stregthened version)!!!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:



Hmm, there's a couple of ways of reading that message.....either:

(a) Your beloved weighs in at 80 stone.

or

(b) We probably don't want to know what you two get up to, but it could be related to Leslie Ash..... (hmm, what a convenient name for a woodworkers forum!).

And in case anyone wonders what I'm referring to with Leslie Ash:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3923779.stm



Andrew


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## Steve Maskery (5 Oct 2004)

ike":12iea4rr said:


> My missuss-what a peach!



My wife is 42 and has skin like a peach.

Mind you, have you ever seen the skin of a 42-year-old peach?

Steve


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## Bean (5 Oct 2004)

I'll swap as mine is full of unreasonable demands :shock: I mean she even expects me to make things :roll: and that would take the edge off my loverly chisels.

Bean


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## tx2man (6 Oct 2004)

aaawh,now i'm sad  
Mine doesn't expect me to make anything,
she's just glad i'm in the w/s :shock: 

TX


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## ike (6 Oct 2004)

> ike wrote:
> My missuss-what a peach!
> 
> 
> ...



LOL!! Good 'un m8! :lol: :lol:


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## Taffy Turner (6 Oct 2004)

HandyMac":2dqynvxp said:


> Taffy Turner":2dqynvxp said:
> 
> 
> > If my beloved draped her feline(?) form across my bench, my next project would be a new bench (mark 2 stregthened version)!!!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
> ...



It was more a comment on my bench building skills!!!! :?


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## Anonymous (6 Oct 2004)

Taffy Turner":xy595t2a said:


> It was more a comment on my bench building skills!!!! :?



Yeah, yeah, yeah. We believe you 

Andrew


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## Taffy Turner (6 Oct 2004)

Hanky panky in the workshop!!! :shock: 

I should be so lucky!!!!!


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## tx2man (7 Oct 2004)

Hanky Panky ANYWHERE :shock: 

I should be so lucky :!: 

TX


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## ike (7 Oct 2004)

What..you mean you guys haven't... you know :shock: ...christened your workshop? Ohhhh..mmmmm...

Ike the lucky dog 8) 8)


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## Adam (7 Oct 2004)

ike":1qm4yrp5 said:


> What..you mean you guys haven't... you know :shock: ...christened your workshop? Ohhhh..mmmmm...
> 
> Ike the lucky dog 8) 8)



Any of you watch the "sex on the job" series - when they were covering builders? 

I still cringe thinking about it - the bloke on site late at night, and his girlfriend comes over and they start getting a bit frisky (well very according to the program) when he knocks his nail gun and staples right though his leg, pinning his hip in position. Girlfriend runs of screaming and site security guard has to drive him to hospital, with his trousers down, and his buttocks pressed against the windscreen 'cos he couldn' sit down.

Doh.

Adam


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## ike (7 Oct 2004)

> Any of you watch the "sex on the job" series



No, I was preoccupied in the workshop.
:lol:


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## Alf (7 Oct 2004)

Alright _gentlemen_, enough already! I know I'm in a minority of one round here, but you lot are getting too bloke-ish for mortal woman to stand. :roll: May I suggest a re-read of the forum rules might not go amiss either, as there seems to be a definite trend towards the mire in recent weeks? Tsk tsk. Let's not reach the stage where the spam is cleaner than the content, eh chaps? :roll: 

Cheers, Alf


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## Adam (7 Oct 2004)

Alf":2rw6ueem said:


> Alright _gentlemen_, enough already! I know I'm in a minority of one round here, but you lot are getting too bloke-ish for mortal woman to stand. :roll: May I suggest a re-read of the forum rules might not go amiss either, as there seems to be a definite trend towards the mire in recent weeks? Tsk tsk. Let's not reach the stage where the spam is cleaner than the content, eh chaps? :roll:
> 
> Cheers, Alf



 All to serious these moderators..... :twisted:


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## ike (7 Oct 2004)

Hmmmph! (goes and stands in corner - lip out, eyebrows crossed) :wink:


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## Alf (7 Oct 2004)

Yeah, yeah, I'm a spoilsport. Taken as read.


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## Taffy Turner (7 Oct 2004)

Oops. Sorry Alf - no offense intended.  

Goes and stands in the naughty corner..... 

Please miss, it was that HandMac's fault - coming here from the Novoserve forum and leading me astray! :?


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## Alf (7 Oct 2004)

Thank you, Taffy. I've just won a bet that _someone_ would end up saying "Please, miss". :lol: 

Cheers, Alf


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## Taffy Turner (7 Oct 2004)

Glad to be of service!


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## Losos (8 Oct 2004)

Alf - One of the corresspondants mentioned 'Hanky Panky' which I can't find in my English - Czech dictionary. Please what is 'Hanky panky' :?


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## Alf (8 Oct 2004)

<carefully side-steps explosive device with burning fuse>
I'm sure Taffy would be delighted to explain, Losos - via Private Message perhaps...  

Cheers, Alf


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## Bean (9 Oct 2004)

But Alf your the font of all knowledge :wink: 


Bean


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## devonwoody (10 Oct 2004)

Regret to state that I have taken the misses off the transfer list. :lol:


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## Jaco (10 Oct 2004)

Delivery address please! where would you like SHMMAA?


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## devonwoody (11 Oct 2004)

Alf 

I looked up hanky panky in the Oxford Consise Dictionary,
it must be quite a normal thing because its listed there.


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## Anonymous (11 Oct 2004)

DW hanky panky makes your cheeks glow red , well mine did. I asked HID what it was she slapped me :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## DaveL (11 Oct 2004)

devonwoody":1rjiw9hu said:


> I looked up hanky panky in the Oxford Consise Dictionary,
> it must be quite a normal thing because its listed there.



But in my circa 1965 copy its not the meaning you mean :shock:


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## Alf (12 Oct 2004)

Oh bother it. Hanky Panky; viz:


> 2 dashes Fernet Branca
> 1/2 oz Italian Vermouth
> 1/2 oz Dry Gin
> 
> Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Shake well, and strain into a highball glass. Garnish with a twist of orange peel, and serve.


As the "font* of all knowledge" I declare this the definitive explanation. So there. Now go away and find something useful to do, you 'orrible lot.  

Cheers, Alf

*with or without serifs? I shot the serif...


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## devonwoody (12 Oct 2004)

Alf, definately a good start to some hanky panky :lol:

Its still blowing a gale down here so I cant get in the workshop.


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## Bean (12 Oct 2004)

Talking of workshops has naybody seen where I left my key ??

:? 
Bean


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## Adam (12 Oct 2004)

Bean":1475gcbu said:


> Talking of workshops has naybody seen where I left my key ??
> 
> :?
> Bean



I normally find mine in the pocket of my "workshop" jeans - despite having swore blind I've checked it 10 times. If not, hanging on the key rack which I've also checked several times, or other suitable dopey place I reckon I've looked already....  

Adam


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## Bean (12 Oct 2004)

Adam what can I say it was in the door lock :roll: last place to look I suppose

Bean


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## Noel (12 Oct 2004)

Bit like spending 20 mins looking for your pencil.....yes, behind your ear. Or your safety glasses, yes, on top of your head.

Noel


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## Bean (12 Oct 2004)

Noely Only one pencil :shock: I'm struggling, with 5 or 6 on the go I can still only find one if I search long and hard :roll: 

Bean


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## Anonymous (13 Oct 2004)

Bean i bought a load of brightly coloured pencils (purple, yellow, red etc) still cant see them in the workshop. I have a plan to overcome all our pencil problems it involves a curtain track, string and pencils. Simply run a curtain track on the ceiling near the bench attach a pencil to the track runner with a pencil heypresto cant loose. BTW any one that does do this don't leave the pencil behind your ear and the decide to go in for a cup of tea i had an accident in the bank like that i forgot the chain their pens to the counter darn near lost me ear


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## Anonymous (13 Oct 2004)

anobium punctatum":389v2fth said:


> BTW any one that does do this don't leave the pencil behind your ear and the decide to go in for a cup of tea i had an accident in the bank like that i forgot the chain their pens to the counter darn near lost me ear



Changing the topic ever so slightly but trust me, it is closely related.....

I wear braces to hold the trousers up these days. Tried belts but the builders bum syndrom causes them to be defeated after a few goes.

Working in a confined space one day, braces caught on something sticking out. You can guess what happened next (and no, it wasn't the trousers falling down). I left the confined space and almost instantly heard a loud sound (ttthhhhwwwwwaaaacccckkkkKKKK!) combined with something hitting me in the back.

Yup, the sharp sticky-out object had fallen victim to tension being applied by the braces.

I can confirm that catapult technology still works in the 21st century.

Andrew


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## Adam (13 Oct 2004)

anobium punctatum":2zajekc3 said:


> Bean i bought a load of brightly coloured pencils (purple, yellow, red etc) still cant see them in the workshop.



Go out and buy a box of 50, or 100. Take the entire lot out and grasp them in your hand. Then throw the whole lot up into the air - they should scatter and disperse to the far flung corners of your workshop. 

With a bit of luck, you'll never be more than an arms reach away again :lol: :wink: 

Adam


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## devonwoody (13 Oct 2004)

Some years ago I was in poor health and I employed a roofer to put up a new gutter board and gutters to our bungalow. 
He didn't use pencils!
The board went up OK but
The gutter had serious problems it was sloping the wrong direction to the drain end outlet. I kept pointing this out to the roofer but he said don't worry!
We got a large container of water and poured it in the gutter, the water refused to travel to the proper outlet end. 
So I demanded he take down the gutter and reset same. This time I watched him, He didn't use a pencil to mark the screw positions for the gutter brackets, he wet his thumb wiped it on a roof tile and put a dirty mark on the board where he thought the screw should go!
I lost my temper gave him half his money and struggled to finish the job myself (Had the usual back problem)


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## Bean (13 Oct 2004)

I consider myself fortunate to have both keyboard and mouse attached by a cable so that I cannot misplace them. I have in the past tied on to my pinny when working but i reached into the pocket and came out with string, but no pencil :roll: .
I do not like to tie them up as i tend to move saws around the shop to work with and string spells danger. 
I feel a box of brightly coloured pencils comming on..........


Bean


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## Taffy Turner (13 Oct 2004)

What yuo need to do is get yourself a turners smock. These have two large pockets in the back, so that they don't fill up with dust etc.

I used to lose my pencil all the time, but since buying my smock, the pencil is always handy in the back pocket. In fact, I wear the smock for general woodworking as well as turning now.


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## devonwoody (13 Oct 2004)

hI alf

My Transfer offer has reached 800 views. There are a lot of randy so an so's at this forum


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## Anonymous (13 Oct 2004)

Taffy Turner":3t8ni02s said:


> I used to lose my pencil all the time, but since buying my smock, the pencil is always handy in the back pocket. In fact, I wear the smock for general woodworking as well as turning now.



Haven't you got to be careful sitting down? 

Andrew


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## DaveL (13 Oct 2004)

Well I haven't got as far as to throwing the pencils up in the air :roll: but do have several boxes on shelves with pencils in. Its only ever a couple of steps to get one. When I sweep up I put all the foundlings back in the boxes ready for the next time. 8)


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## tx2man (14 Oct 2004)

Well, i've got a very special pencil.

No matter where it is or has fallen, all you have to do is
whistle and it starts beeping!
I've had it about 1 year and it's great!!!!!!!!!

TX


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## Anonymous (14 Oct 2004)

tx2man":1l3tg05i said:


> Well, i've got a very special pencil.
> 
> No matter where it is or has fallen, all you have to do is
> whistle and it starts beeping!



I have a similar arrangement, but my wife has objected to being called into the workshop to help me find something I've lost 

Andrew


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## Bean (14 Oct 2004)

tx2man WOW now thats some pencil, Where did you take it for training and will it be possible to have a pup off it should the happy event occur.


Bean


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## tx2man (15 Oct 2004)

Oh Bean,
I was hoping someone would ask where i got it from  

TX


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## Taffy Turner (15 Oct 2004)

Yes - I bet you were, but we all know that one!!!! :roll: :wink:


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